[ up-tempo music plays ]
[ horn honks ]
- [ indistinct conversations ] - Right there.
- ♪ Oh, look out - Hey, check this girl out.
♪ Here I come
- ♪ Look out, here I come, oh ♪ - Whoa.
- ♪ I have to get you, baby - Man: That's what I'm talking about.
♪ I have to get you
♪ Look out.
- You're in my spot. - Really?
Mm-hmm.
Thanks for keeping it warm.
Martini me.
Up. And dry.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
[ up-tempo music plays ]
So, as the youngestfull partner --
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. What?
[ chuckles ]
Really?You can do that?
Mm-hmm.
♪ And, baby, you
[ laughs ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
♪ Now I know the reason why. ♪
[ laughs ]
Go home, Romeo.
But -- but you -- you were gonna show me how to --
No. You know,I'm just a big tease.
[ laughs ]
[ siren wails in distance ]
Remember me?
Oh. Of course.
Who could everforget you?
Well...
now you're in myspot.
[ grunts ]
Lieutenant Gindi,please.
Yeah, this is Reilly.
Tell Eli I just didhis job... again.
Bagged the real Back Alley Slasher.
Yeah -- Oh,can you hold on a second?
[ cellphone chimes ]
Hey, Pops. What's up?
Mommy did what?
♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪
♪ You can count on me
♪ Please have snow and mistletoe ♪
♪ And presents by the tree ♪
♪ Christmas Eve will find me ♪
♪ Where the love light gleams ♪
- ♪ I'll be home for Christmas ♪ - [ Luke chuckles ]
- Would you hold still? - Nora: It tickles.
Luke, darling, aren't you forgetting something?
Luke: How silly of me.
♪ If only in my dreams.
Oh. I like that.Blood red.
Well, of course, Nora,on you --
- what other color would I use?- Okay, you two.
My turn.
Now, that makes for a very spooky...
Christmas in New York.
Yes, and soon-to-bea very spooky New Year's,
thanks to you,Regan, dear.
Not that I don't lovemy new rug.
Mother, how long are you going to keep blaming me
for you breaking your leg?
You are the one who slipped.
Oh, Easter sounds about right.
Oh, you're a lot of help.
I'm not the one who gave her
a widower-making birthday present.
Hey! Widower-making?!
- Is that the best you got? - Huh?
[ both laugh ]
Of course, you know, this means war! Ha ha!
- Bring it on, Pops! - I'll "Pops" you.
[ both laughing and grunting ]
[ laughs ]
[ laughter ]
Oh, how I've missed this!
♪ Deck the hallswith boughs of holly ♪
♪ Tra-la la la la,la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the seasonto be jolly ♪
Alvirah: ♪ Fa-la la la la, la la la la ♪
How's this, honey?
Uh, unh-unh, unh-unh.
Just a squinch more this way.
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
This is as jolly as I get with a toothache.
Please make up your mind.
♪ Fa-la la la la
♪ La la...la...la!
Perfect. Do. Not. Move.
Well, I can promise you that.
Oh, this tooth is killing me.
When's my dentist appointment again?
Oh, it's not till after lunch, honey.
Stop your whining,handsome. Hmm?
There's plenty of timeto relax
and enjoymy beautiful tree.
Oh.
It iskind of nice.
Mm-hmm.
Regan: Think it'll snow by Christmas?
See what Santa has plannedfor the greater New York area,
shall we?
I'm sorry, kiddo.
Looks like cold and colderfor the rest of the week.
Well, it's been hot and hotter in L.A.,
so chillin' sounds just fine to me.
I'd imagine that it does.
"Luke, how's that daughterof yours doing?"
"Oh, funny you should ask.
Let me check the paperto find out."
"Regan Reilly, private investigator,
risks her life to draw outthe Back Alley Slasher."
Dad, it was just another case.
No, it's notjust another case.
You catch a serial killer,clear your client,
make the national news,and -- hello? --
didn't think to mention itto your parents?
What hasn't she told us this time?
No. Here.Read all about her.
Anything about who's she's dating?
Oh, no, just the usual murder and mayhem.
So, Mom, what's onyour schedule for today?
Any errands I can run?
Anything I can arrange foryour radio interview tomorrow?
No, thank you, dear.
Besides, I thought you were going into the city.
There isa great saleat Bloomie's.
I've gota pretty light day.
I'll be happyto pick you up after.
No, you don't, mister!
- What? - Ha!
You have a dentist appointment,
and you have canceled twice already.
Third time's the charm.
Regan, here.
Meet your dad here at the dentist at 1:00.
[ stammers ]They're delivering
our Christmas treethis afternoon.
Yes, and I will be here to greet the big strong men
who carry it in and set it up.
[ chuckles ]
You think this is funny, do you?
I think --I'm gonna go grab a shower.
[ laughs ] You -- go shower.
Kiss. [ chuckles ]
You -- go work.
Fine.
Oh. Yes. Ha ha.
Love you.
Me? I'm gonna treat my leg to a nice nap.
[ chuckles ]
[ horns honking ]
Willy, honey,did you drown in there?
Willy: The steam makes my tooth feel better!
Stop being such a baby.
Honey, you know how I feelabout wasting good hot water.
All right?
Five more minutes,and then it's my turn.
Hey, when's my birthday again?
[ chuckling ] Willy!
- And yourbirthday. - I'm not doing this right now!
- And our anniversary. - Come on!
And when you put all our numbers in a row
on a $40 million winning lottery ticket
like one of us was smart enough to do,
what do you get?
Annoyed!
Willy, please don't use upall the hot water!
There's an ocean of hot water in here, Alvirah,
and the answer is, what you get...
is "never have to clean another house or fix another faucet" rich.
Why don't you get in here with me,
and maybe you'll get lucky twice.
- [ dog barking ] - Oh!
Let me help you with that, Mr. R.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I've got it, Rosie.
I've got it.
My family already thinksI'm helpless enough as it is.
Oh.
For you and the boys.
Oh. Thank you!
Ahh.
And...
for Santa.
[ laughs ]
And...
his helper.
Ho ho ho.
[ giggles ]
[ humming "Deck The Halls" ]
[ rewinding ]
[ humming continues ]
♪ You said Santa's coming to town ♪
♪ You said Santa's coming around ♪
♪ I don't care if he's out of luck ♪
♪ Because if you ask me
♪ Santa, you suck
♪ Santa, you suck.
[ organ music plays ]
Luke: 30 Christmases have passed...
since I first opened Garden Gate with the dream
of offering those who have lost their loved ones
a funeral home like no other.
And as we gather here today for our annual Christmas party,
it is my pleasure to thank each and every one of you
for another year of excellence in service
and to be reminded,
once again, that no matter how full
our work days may be,
to take a moment to celebrate...
[ slurring ] ...all that life has to offer.
Blah, blah, blah.
Charlie!
Nice to see you, too.
All right, everyone.
Scurry back to yourcrummy little jobs,
with your crummy little gifts,
while boss man herecounts his bag full of money.
What? Not giving out anypink slips this year, Santa?
- You're drunk, Charlie. - Yes, I am.
And I've gotten pretty goodat it, too, thanks to you!
- Okay, stop it, Charlie. - I'm just getting started.
No, that's enough. Let's go.
Luke.
It's okay, Austin. I'm fine.
Actually...
we have another problem.
[ organ music continues ]
I hated to interrupt you, but I've done everything I can,
and he's been utterly inconsolable
for the past half an hour.
And with allthe guests waiting...
[ man sobbing ]
Mr. Dingle?
Mr. Dingle, it's Luke Reilly.
I had the great honor of knowingyour uncle Cuthbert quite well.
And that he donated his fortuneto promote childhood literacy
was a wonderful thing.
So every bellon every street corner
that the volunteersof Jingle Book House
will proudly ringon Christmas now and forever...
will honor your uncle Cuthbert'sgoodness and generosity.
And that can only bring yougreat peace and comfort.
Here.
[ sniffles ]
[ crying ]
Now...
So, you really gonna go through with it this time?
The drilling, the needles, the pain?
Et tu, brute?
You bet against me in the officepool that I'd chicken out?
The odds were too goodto pass up.
[ laughs ]
- [ gasps ] - [ nasal voice ] Do what I say,
and you won't get dead.
[ laughs ]
Very funny, Mr. R.
[ sarcastically ] Don't shoot, Santa. We surrender.
- [ giggles ] - You think this is a joke?
- That I won't shoot you? - Mr. R?
It's okay, Rosita. Stay calm.
Yeah. You do that. Both of you.
Cellphones -- now.
Put these on!
And toss over your wallet, too.
Start the car.
[ engine turns over ]
Why are you doing this?
[ crying ] Please. Please let us go.
My boys, my babies.They don't have anybody else.
Tell someone who cares.
Now shut your trap and do what I say.
Listen, why make matters worse?
You have the car -- take it. Just let us go.
- You wish. - This isa carjacking, right?
Enough with the quiz show!
Luke: You're going to be okay, Rosita.
Just do what the man says,
and everything's going to be okay.
- Isn't that right? - Whatever.
Let's get going!
Get on the turnpike. Take the Edgewater exit.
Head under the G.W. Bridge.
Man: Stop the car.
Give me the keys.
Help Mr. Moneybagsout of the back there.
And grab those goodies.
Come on. Come on. Move it.
My dear man, be reasonable.
- Let's go. - What have we done to you?
We don't even know who you are.
Man: Come on.
Move it!
- What is this about? - Let's go!
I'm not taking one more step
until you tell us what this is about.
It's a kidnapping, genius!
And if you're good and do what I tell you,
you'll find out soon enoughwhat it will take
to buy your freedom.
Now, come on! Let's go! Hurry it up!
I'm freezing my keister off out here.
Come on!
[ horn blares ]
Mm! Hey.
Bless me, Father,for I have sinned!
[ chuckles ] Be sure and tell that
to Donna when you kiss her hello tonight.
Yeah, as longas I come home to her,
that's all the wifeneed to know.
You know I'm full of it,but you -- you got no excuse.
No, what I got is one last semester
of night classes at Seton before --
Before you becomea big snazzy lawyer -- yeah.
Good for you.Where you spending Christmas at?
Or New Year's for that matter?
That's right -- your mama's.
Fred, it's none of my business,
but I just think, you know,you deserve somebody nice.
And Donna said, uh,Roslyn, Rosella...
- Who she set you up with? - Rosita.
Her --She really liked you.
Yeah, she's great.
Smart, funny -- I liked her, too,
but she's got complications.
A louse of an ex-husband, a couple kids.
- My kids love their uncle Fred. - And I love them,
but there's a big difference between being an honorary uncle
and a full-time daddy.
Yeah,and there's a difference
between spendingthe rest of your life alone
and having somebody to buy flowers for.
Speaking of which...nothing says "Merry, merry" --
All right, all right. Enough, already.
- Okay? - I'm just sayin'.
Yeah, well, stop sayin'.
[ fog horn blows ]
"Rosita."
Now we're talkin'!
Nothing like somefresh-made bills
to make my holidaymerry and bright.
[ laughs ]
Books?
Only a cheapskate givesbooks for Christmas.
Isn't that nice?This one's signed by the author.
[ horn honks ]
[ whirring ]
- Hello. - Hi.
Has Luke Reilly arrived yet?
Nope, andDr. Chattoway is waiting.
- Oh, you're kidding. - Why? He's not canceling again, is he?
No! Not at all.
- I-I'm sure he is on his way. - Uh-huh.
[ cellphone ringing ]
Luke: Hello, this is Luke's fancy phone
that he still doesn't know how to work.
You know the drill. Bye.
I'm at the dentist, Dad, and I don'tsee you.
You better be on your way,
or Mom's gonna becooking your goose
for Christmas this year.
Hurry up.[ scoffs ]
[ sniffles, sighs ]
[ shivering ]
[ clanging ]
Knock it off!
[ groaning ]
What the Hell is your problem?
You bastard!
How can you just sit therein front of that heater
and not see that she is shivering half to death here?
Either turnthat heater her way,
or you'll never see a dime of ransom money.
Is that right, Mr. Bigshot?
Well, seeing as I got this...
- [ gun cocks ] - ...best get used to freezing.
The guy was messing with me!
[ whispering ]
What?
Sure, sure.I get it!
Ohh!You filthy, lousy pig!
Yeah, yeah, so I'm a pig.
Keep yappin', and I 'll gag you both again!
[ snaps fingers ]
Okay, okay, I'm going.
Luke: So...
you must be the one in charge.
[ whimpering ]
Please...please don't hurt us.
Shh!
[ horns honking ]
You're Regan Reilly.
Pardon?
You're Regan Reilly.
Renowned private detective from Los Angeles,
daughter of the best-selling crime writer, Nora Reilly,
only child of Luke Reilly, funeral-home owner,
who is currently AWOL and I'm guessing a dentophobe.
Right?
Uh...how do you --Have we met?
No, no, no. Big ears. Bigger reader.
I'm sorry to be so nosy. I'm a huge fan of your mother's...
and of your good work.
I'm -- I'm flattered.
It's not every day I have a celebrity sighting
at the dentist's office.
Well, so -- Oh, I'm Alvirah Meehan.
Oh.
So, I'm gonna let you -- Regan Reilly --
get back to your...thing.
Did you say "Meehan"?
AlvirahMeehan?
Yeah.
TheAlvirah Meehan my mother has been sending me stories about
for years who sometimes writesfor the Globe?
The amateur sleuth with atendency to stumble upon crimes
in progress and solve themwith uncanny ability?
The do-gooder famous forrecording everything she hears
on her signaturestarburst spy pin?
Longtime cleaning woman from Queens
who was on a midtown busreading my mother's book
"It Could Happen To You"
when she andher husband, Willy,
learned thatthey had just won
millions of dollars in the lottery?
No.
Never heard of her.
- [ both laugh ] - So, Regan, wait.
Your mother knows who I am? She knows my name? Really?
- Oh, you fascinate her. - Do not tease!
Scout's honor, she has sent medozens of articles
about your daring deeds --she's a huge fan.
I-I'm a huge fan of hers.
She's not gonna believe thatI met you here at the dentist.
[ cellphone rings ]
Idon't believe.
Where the heck areyou?
Where the heck do you think I am?
Mom!
Why so surprised? Is everything okay?
Oh, I'm...sure. Yeah.
Why wouldn't everything...be okay?
Uh, excuse me, madam. Do you not see the sign?
No cellphones in the waiting room.
Mother, I --
I heard.
I just wanted to tell you...
that I love you -- Daddy too.
See you at 5:00.
Bye.I love you, too.
Ugh. Bad accent.
Too big? Too small? Too pushy for my own good?
[ chuckling ]No. It was perfect.
It's just --where the heck is he?
Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.
[ telephone rings ]
Garden Gate. Austin speaking.
Hey, Austin. It's Regan.
Regan. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
Is my father thereby any chance?
I-I think he left for the dentist about an hour ago.
Wasn't he meeting you?
That was the plan.I keep calling his phone.
And all I'm gettingis voicemail.
Is there anything I can do?
Yes,you can, actually.
If you could pleasego to his computer
and log on to his account for me?
Certainly.
I installed that"find my phone" app
on their cellphones when they first got 'em,
in case they lost them.
[ keys clacking ]
This doesn't make any sense.
The app says that your father's phone
is around heresomewhere.
Huh.
Okay, I'm gonnakeep you on the line
and call my dad's phone.
And can you see if you cantrack his ring?
[ cellphone beeps ]
[ sighs ]
[ cellphone ringing ]
It's in the Dumpster.
What do you want me to do?
Don't touch anything.
Don't say anything to anyone.I'm on my way.
[ cellphone beeps ]
- Yeah, I'd like a taxi -- - Alvirah: No, Regan.
- We're gonna take you. We'll take you. - What?
Uh, hold on a second,please. "We"?
- We. - "We" who?
"We" me.
I don't know who you areor what is going on here,
but I do know never to arguewith my wife.
[ horns honking ]
No. Regan. Listen to me,honey. It's what?
It's three daysbefore Christmas, right?
If you file somemissing-persons report,
they're not gonnalook at it
till the kidshave opened, broken,
- and returned their toys. - [ car alarm chirps ]
Who can you call who can help?
The right guy.
You're still here?
Thought you'd be halfway toyour mom's Christmas ham by now.
Aw, you haven't tasted her cooking.
Well, give everyoneour best, Jack.
Oh, especially...
My sister doesn't date cops, Stan.
Anybody ever tell you you'rea regular scrooge, Reilly?
[ cellphone ringing ]
Alvirah.
Hey.
Ha ha! Race ya!
I know I promised, Sal,
but I can't just take offand leave them.
[ knock on door ]
That's her now.I'll call on my way.
- Mommy's here! - Mom!
- Fred! - Fred!
Hey, guys.
Is, uh, Rosita here?
I know I should be used to your persuasiveness, Alvirah,
but you never cease to amaze me.
I mean, here I am, way outside my jurisdiction,
- and you make one phone call? -Regan!
Well, you know. His honor owed me a favor.
Tell me this.
How many people, otherthan the mayor's family,
have the numberfor his private line?
Well, if you clean a lot of closets over the years,
you see a lot of skeletons you shouldn't.
That opens doors and gets your calls returned.
And, thanks to the mayor, Jersey's finest
is lucky to have yourhelp.
[ police radio chatter ]
- Willy! - I'm hungry.
Come on, just one.
Okay.
Alvirah: What next?
- So, what can you tell us, Jack? - Yeah, yeah.
Well, CSU is running your father's
wallet and cellphone for prints,
and the other cellphone came up belonging to Rosita Alvarado.
Dad's driver? She's missing, too?
Yeah. We're gonna take a run at Rosita's ex -- Ramon.
He's got a record -- D&D, D.U.I.
He's a fixture at the craps table in Atlantic city.
ACPD are rolling to his last known address now.
Is there any chance he could be --
At Rosita's? Yeah.
We've asked the state police to send a car for a look-see.
According to Mr. Grady,
she's raising their two kids solo.
So, most likely they're with the babysitter,
a Nicole Parma.
Does that ring any bells?
No.But I barely know Rosita.
Did Austin --um, Mr. Grady --
get you the limo'slicense plate
and the Z-Pass numbersI requested?
Yeah, and they've got an APB out on the limo,
and the Z-Pass was picked up
crossing the G.W. into Manhattan.
And aren't there cameras on all the bridges and tunnels?
Since 9/11, yeah, you bet.
So I 've got my best man running tape
trying to match what the bridge camera picked up
to the Z-Pass, and maybe we'll get lucky.
- Great. Good. - Grady also clued me in
to a former employee, Charlie Johnson,
who showed up very drunk, very uninvited,
to the office Christmas party.
Oh, Johnson. Right.
Dad fired himfor using one of the limos
as a private car serviceon the weekends.
That's the one.
Well, apparently, he and Rosita remained friendly after he got the ax,
and she ushered him out of there pretty quickly.
But the most interesting hit that we got
was from the funeral home security camera.
You guys are gonna want to see this.
Now, as per Mr. Grady,the Santas arriving
for the Goodloe funeral are volunteers at Jingle Book House,
coming to paytheir respects.
Yeah, my folks are big supporters.
Yeah. Well, the old manleft the charity $50 million.
Wow.
But one of the Santas did not go inside -- see here?
He gets into the limo before your father
and Mrs. Alvarado step outside.
After this van moves, there's no trace of the limo.
Can I get a copy of that?
Yeah. Already done.
Oh. Thanks.
Alvirah: The poor kid.
Her and her dad are due homewithin the hour.
Her mother is laid upwith a broken leg.
It's three daystill Christmas,
and now she has to go home...
[ voice breaking ]...and tell her mom this?
I mean, it just --it breaks your heart.
Well, if anyone can find a silver lining in this,
it's you, Alvirah.
[ dog barking ]
Okay. Here we are.Good.
I really appreciate everything you've done.
Alvirah: Oh, not at all.
I think it's best if I go in alone
to break the news to Mom.
You sure?
Oh, no. Of course. Of course. Yeah, go.
And if you need anything --anything --
you're gonna ask, right?
Yeah.
Anything.
All right.
Okay.
Well, feel like trying one of those Jersey diners?
[ crying ] It's so sad.It's the holidays.
- Wait a minute -- - And it's her mother.
Here come the waterworks.
- And her father -- - Honey, honey.
She's so sweet.
You know what? You take things too personally sometimes.
- That's all. - And you're surprised?
No, no, I'm not surprised.
It's one of the many reasons I love you. Hmm?
Oh, that's sweet.[ chuckles ]
[ cellphone ringing ]
What's that?
- Where is that? - I think it's...
Oh.
Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Don't answer it.
- I know. - Don't answer it.
- I won't. - Don't answer it!
- Hello? - Okay.
Man: [ nasal voice ] If you want to see your father again,
you have 24 hours to get me $5 million.
I will call with instructions
on where to make the drop tomorrow.
Call the cops and he's dead.
[ sneezes ]
Dead!
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ - Thanks, love.
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year
- ♪ Good tidings we bring -[ sneezes ]
♪ To you and your kin
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year
Santa!
♪ Oh, bring us some figgy pudding ♪
♪ And a cup of good cheer
♪ Good tidings we bring
♪ To you and your kin
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ And a happy new year.
[ indistinct conversations ]
All I want is to be a lot prettier than my best friend,
Monica.
She's, like, so full of herself.
[ sighs ]
[ sneezes ]
I knew you'd understand.
When mom gets home,
I'm gonna tell her youshould be our sitter from now on.
Yeah.
All our sitter ever does is yak on the phone
and tell us to shush.
[ police radio chatter ]
Hey. Would you guyslike to do me a favor?
Why don't yougo grab that, uh,
checker gameyou were telling me about
and go and set it upin the kitchen?
- I'll get it! - No, me!
Tell me Rosita 's okay.
We've got bad news.
[ indistinct conversations ]
- [ rewinding ] - Man: Call the cops, and he's dead.
- [ whooshing] - See? In the background,
it was like a whooshing sound.
Yeah, play just that last part again.
- [ whooshing] - [ sneezes]
See?It's most pronounced --
- Just as the call ends. - Yeah.
Lieutenant Saito just said the same thing.
He's gonna take the file you uploaded
and run it through a spectrum analyzer,
see if we can get an I.D. on it.
Whoever this...reprobate is,
he certainly has a miserable cold.
How did your call go?
Other than my broker being a bit too curious?
Any red flags?
No. $5 million in stocks will be converted to cash
and in my money market tomorrow morning.
I'll have my team coordinate the transfer
through the federal reserve.
That way, all the ransom money is logged and tagged.
That's fine, detective,but let's be crystal clear.
The money is replaceable.
Luke and Rosita are not.
Wow. That is so Nora Reilly.
Just the poise under fire,the clarity, the passion.
It's like one of the charactersin your books.
Come and get it, folks!
Sharp minds need nourishment
to keep from going off the rails.
[ police radio chatter ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
[ sea gull cries ]
Rosita: They're so little, Mr. Reilly.
And with their grandmaback in Puerto Rico,
I have to use a sitter --
Rosita, uh, I'm sure that my family
is already taking care of Chris and Bobby.
Luke: The ransom will be paid.
I promise. You'll be home soon.
But how can you know?
How can you be surethat these men won't --
Because all they want is money.
- What if they -- - They won't.
They'll take the money, and we can't identify them.
It'll be okay.
- [ switch clicks ] - ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace.♪
[ siren wailing ]
[ coughing ]
Nora loves Alvin.
Lock up, dummy.
[ squawking ]
[ coughing ]
[ keys thud ]
Nora's hungry. Nora's hungry.
Prints on both cellphones produced no hits.
And the photo taken on the G.W.
captured the suspect in his Santa disguise.
Do you recognize this man?
This couldbe the same lowlifefrom the surveillance footage.
That is,if I could see him.
Print quality blows,Lieutenant.
It's a fax of a fax of a photo.
I'm working on getting the original.
I'll...work faster.
Any luckwith my recording?
Yeah. And then some.
Take a listen.
- [ whooshing] - Man: I will call with instructions
- on where to make the drop tomorrow. -You hear it?
Saito: That's the sound of jet engines.
Based on where the photo was taken,
I'm guessing JFK or LaGuardia.
[ Nora sighs ]
I can't do this radio interview tomorrow.
Oh, of course.You're right, Mom.
I'm not so sure she is right, Regan.
What do you mean?
Well, honey, I know you're justtrying to protect your mom,
but hear me out.
All right, you've had this interview --
it's been promoted for likethree weeks now, right?
To coincide with the publicationof your new book --
one that your fans know you do every single year
to promote Jingle Book House.
If you cancel,
we don't know how the kidnappers will react.
I mean, they may think it's a sign of police involvement.
I don't know.
She's right, Mom.
Mm-hmm. And you made that exactpoint in "Rock-A-Bye Me Deadly."
I did! I did!
Precisely that, Alvirah!
Ohh. I can't focus. I just...
Hey, what aboutCharlie Johnson,
the guy who crashedthe office party?
After talking to his neighbors,
I learned Charlie 's been on a serious bender
for most of the last year.
We're staking out his favorite haunts.
What about surveillance footage
from the Garden Gateparking lot?
Any leads there?
I forwarded it to the FBI.
Maybe we'll get lucky.
I think we just did.
Rosita's ex, Ramon?
Atlantic city police haven't found him yet.
He hasn't been at his lastknown address in months.
But...they've confirmedthat he's in deep
to a mobbed-up loan sharkto the tune of 200 grand.
They put a hit out on him?
That would explain him going underground.
And there is your motive, right?
Jack: If they do find Ramon,
we'll put him under surveillance,
hopefully he'll lead us right to Luke and Rosita.
Which brings up the really ugly question.
If Ramon is the kidnapper,
could Rosita possibly be an inside accomplice?
That's impossible.
Mom, we have to examineevery angle.
You don't know her, I do.
She is not involved. Not Rosita. She's a good mother.
Maybe, but you haven't seen whatI've seen, actually lived it.
Look, I know you researchevery crime, every criminal.
You write with knowledgeand passion,
but...no one really livesor dies in your world, Mom.
I mean, you'd be shockedat the number of good people
that I 've had to put awayfor doing very bad things,
and right now the only thinglinking Charlie and Ramon
to any of this is Rosita.
Well, I still think you're wrong.
I hope you're right, but we have to know.
Which leaves us with Rosita's children.
Somebody has to interview those kids.
Oh.
[ door opens ]
Okay, okay.I'm sorry I'm late.
You knowI had stops to make.
You suregot off easy today.
Traffic was so badwhen I ditched the limo,
that I'd still be stuck in itif I wasn't in the Z-Pass lane.
[ slam ]
What?
Did you hear that, Mr. R?
Yes. I know. He used the Z-Pass.
That dummy may have just done us a big favor.
Oh, I hope so.
No way that'll happen.
Besides,I wiped it downwith bleach,
exactly as you wrote it down.
I left the phone like I was supposed to.
[ engine turns over ]
[ dog barking ]
Eggs?Uh, cheese...
Tuna salad. Come on.Something's got to sound good.
[ knock on door ]
- Mommy! - Mommy!
Boys, let me --let me get that.
Who wants pizza?
- Pizza! Yay! - Pizza! Whoo-hoo!
So, you boys are used to your mommy working late for my dad?
Uh-huh, 'cause then mommybrings home cookies
and even presents.
Presents?
Like the kind of presents that Santa brings?
No.Mom calls them "swagie."
Oh, yeah. That's not what Santa brings.
So what do you want this year from Santa?
We want a tree!
Yeah, uncle Fred said he'd take us.
He's not really our uncle,but he's cool.
He knows Santa, too.
I bet he does.
And what else are you gonna ask for for Christmas?
- Hmm. - Come on.
There's got to be something else that you want.
How about...
A truck!
Yeah, our daddrives a truck.
He does.
But he doesn't livewith us anymore.
He had to move for work.
Mommy sayswe can ask Santa for a truck,
but not for Daddy.
We're not allowed to ask for people.
Oh, you miss him, huh?
Uh-huh, I'm gonna ask Santa if he can help Daddycome home anyhow.
I won't tell mommy.
I-I know proceduremandates that I callsocial services,
but withtheir mom missing
and their sad excuseof a father in the wind,
I...I just couldn't do itto them.
And the sitter wasn't the least bit concerned
about just leaving?
She offered to stay,
but when she learnedI was a cop,
and since the boysknew who I was,
she took off.
Look, I-I knowit sounds crazy,
but I justkept thinking --
hoping that Rosita was just...
delayed, you know?
That she'd come walkingthrough that door any minute
and find me,of all people...
Fred, believe me, it's gonna be fine.
All right?
Your captain asked me to tell you
you have his full support, okay?
It's settled, then?
I can stay herewith Chris and Bobby
until Rosita's backsafe and sound?
Oh, yeah, in fact, you being here
has become key to our investigation.
How's that?
What do you know about Rosita's ex-husband Ramon?
Please tell mehe's not the perp.
So, I got the lowdown on Ramon and Rosita from Fred.
Pregnant, married straight out of high school,
and apparently straight downhill from there.
Does Fred thinkRosita could be dirty?
[ scoffs ] Well, what do youthink?
Ramon left in the middle of the night.
Right, never sent them a dime. How about that?
Well, I thinkI owe my motheran apology.
Yeah, we both do.
Honey, I can smell the onions from here!
I like onions!
I hope I haven't kept youwaiting too long.
No, not at all. Thanks for coming.
I just wanted to get my dad's laptop.
Cuthbert Boniface Goodloe?
Oh, was this the funeral
that attracted all the Jingle Book House mourners?
Yes. He was a kind and generous man.
Were there any actualfamily members
among all thosevolunteer Santas?
A nephew, Cuthbert Boniface Dingle.
He took the loss quite hard.
Alvirah: First chance we get,
we should pay our condolences to Mr. Dingle.
[ clock chiming ]
After the police were through,
I-I didn't know what to do.
Well, I-I didn't know it was allowed, and...
[ sighs ]
who would like a nice cup of tea?
I'll take you up on that.
Thank you, Austin.
[ cellphone ringing ]
Oh, it's Jack. You go on ahead. I'll catch up.
Hey, Jack.
- Jack: Good news, Alvirah. - What?
Saito got a clean photo off the G.W.
- Oh, well, that's great. - It should be in your e-mail now.
Yes. Please thank Lieutenant Saito for me.
Upon examination of the actual footage
captured by the security camerason the George Washington bridge,
I now see that unlike all the others dressed as Santa
who attended the funeral, the suspect is not wearing
a Jingle Book House volunteer insignia pin.
Which leads me to conclude he was notan invited guest,
but an imposter,
who knew if he showed up in that disguise,
he would blend in.
Meaning he had prior knowledge of the large contingent
of Jingle Book House Santas expected to attend,
leaving the kidnapper confident
that at this funeral on this day in this disguise
was his very best chance to stage the perfect crime.
[ squawking ]
[ sneezes ]
Number one fan. Number one fan.
Nora likes a winner. Nora likes a winner.
[ sizzling ]
Hey. Morning. Hope you boys are hungry.
Made my special -- chocolate chip pancakes!
- Yes! - Is Mommy home yet?
She already left for work.
We missed her?
But, since she had to leave really early,
I promised her, right after breakfast,
Christmas-tree time.
- Huh? - Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah! - Yes!
[ car alarms blares, horns honk ]
Charlie Johnson,how you doing?
I don't know any Charlie.
Oh, sure you do.Come on.
We metthrough Luke Reilly.
What's your relationship with Rosita Alvarado?
We got no relationship.
Rosita's the only onethat didn't treat me like crap
after I got the boot.
She's a nice lady,that's all.
Come on. I got things to do.You got nothing to hold me on.
We got you resisting arrest.
Why don't we start with that and see where it takes us?
I'm supposed to believethe head of Major Crimes
is out rustling rummiesfor unpaid parking tickets?
Even I'm not that stupid.
Assault. Auto theft. Larceny.
I don't see a lot of unpaid parking tickets here.
I'm thinking that maybe this week,
you decided to make the jump to the bigs.
One black, two cream, one sugar.
How'd it go with your suspect?
Well, we got him on that bodega robbery in Brooklyn
we were trying to clear last Saturday,
but Charlie is definitely not our kidnapper.
Well, we did get some good news.
It seems your volunteer detective came through again.
- Alvirah? - Yeah.
I don't thinkshe ever sleeps.
She e-mailed me an audio fileway past midnight
on the same Santa photoMiss Reilly busted my ass over.
She was spot on the money
that our perp was the only Santa present
not wearinga Jingle Book House pin.
Which, it turns out, you can't buy
through making a donation --
only by putting your butt out in the cold
and working those corners.
Alvirah also said something about
the suspect having detailsof the funeral
he could useto his advantage,
an angle she's running downthis morning
in the hopethat a guest noticedor might even know
the phony Santa and could help I.D. him.
Okay, running down how?
She and Miss Reilly are paying a visit
to a Mr. Dingle,nephew of the deceased.
[ cellphone rings ]
This is Saito.
Hey, speaking of Regan Reilly --
Yeah, don't even go there.
She packs a Glock 26, Jack.
- She's amazing... - Yeah, well...
...at her job.
Okay? So why don't you go wash your mind out with some soap?
Limo turned up abandoned near LaGuardia.
CSU's en route.
[ fog horn blowing ]
[ snoring ]
[ thud ]
[ electricity hums ]
[ horns honking ]
Willy, how many timeshave I asked you,
just get directions, honey!
We could have savedso much time.
- I mean, how in the world did you ever manage... - Alvirah --
- ...to run your own plumbing company... - Sweetie --
...with your lackof organization?
It's just beyond me.
Take as long as you'd like, sweetheart.
Honey, we should have done this years ago.
[ cellphone rings, beeps ]
Hey, Jack.
Just wanted to let you know we got the limo.
We're going through it now.
They have the limo.
Is Miss Regan Reilly available?
Yes, she is.
Hello, Detective Jack Reilly.This is Regan Reilly.
That's a whole lot of...
Reillys?I was thinking the same thing.
Maybe we should just stick to Jack.
And Regan.Just Regan.
Regan. Got it.
Look, I know this is probably old hat to you,
but I just wanted to go through the drill
for when the kidnappers call.
The home phone is setto ring through to my cellphone,
which you're tappingand tracking in real-time.
- Right. - And when the call comes in,
I want to keep themon the lineas long as possible.
- Demand to... - Speak with the hostages.
Do you have any other questions for me, Regan?
No. Just a big thank you.
My mother and I,we will never forget this.
Just doing my job.
Oh, no. I...I've known a lot of cops.
I've worked withsomeand againstsome,
and...this is morethan a job to you.
We'll be in touch.
Look forward to it.
Yeah, he's as goodas you said.
Bingo!
[ siren wails ]
- [ knock on door ] - Regan: Hello?
- Hello? - Cuthbert?
The name's C.B.
Come on in.
I'm just finishing up a few things here.
Okay. Yeah. The door was open.
Hi, C.B. I'm Regan Reilly.
Regan...
My dad is Luke Reilly. Garden Gate funeral home.
[ chuckling ] Mr. Reilly. Of course.
Your father is a very gracious man.
And you are...?
Oh. I'm Alvirah.
- My aunt. Aunt Alvirah. - Aunt Alvirah. Yeah.
Did we come at a bad time?
No. [ chuckling ] No.
I'm...just packing to move.
For the last year of my uncle's life,
I had the privilege of taking care of him.
So now that he's gone...
I can move on knowing he's at peace.
But...I still don't understand why you'rehere.
Was there a problem? 'Cause the funeral was beautiful.
Oh, no, no, no. No.
What my niece was trying to sayis that a family heirloom
is missingfrom the funeral home,
one that Luke, my brother,
was gonna give his wifefor Christmas.
It was on my dad's desk,
and he remembers seeing one of the volunteers --
Coming out of the office.He claimed that he was lost.
I'm sure you can imagine
how upsetting this isfor our family.
I wish I could help. I...I didn't know any of them.
The only thing they had in common was the --
the Jingle Book House.
So I guess you wouldn't have noticed
if anyone didn't belong.
[ chuckling ] Sorry.
You see one Santa, you've seen them all.
But I 'll ask around, and if -- if I come up with anything,
tell your father I'll be sure and call.
- Great. - Great.
Thanks. Oh!Since you offered,
maybe we could getyour phone number,
just have it handyin case we needto contact you?
Thank you so much.
But if you...
you don't mind, I really should get back to...
but give your father my best.
Oh. Thank you.
It was nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
[ indistinct conversations ]
Morgan: On the big WVXT Christmas Countdown,
we are going to take a break
from all of this holiday-cheer mumbo jumbo,
and we are going to make this...
[ spooky voice ] ...a very spooky Christmas.
[ howls, laughs]
That's right, boys and ghouls, today we are hanging
with our favorite thrillmeister Nora Reilly,
[ normal voice ] whose latest novel is so scary that, well,
you'll never look at tinsel the same way again.
[ chuckles ] Morgan, you reallyknow how to flatter a girl.
Anything for you, Nora.
Hey, let's get this plug out of the way, shall we?
Nora Reilly's very latest book, "A Very Spooky Christmas,"
blends thrills, chills, and suspense
with heart, humor, and holiday cheer,
in a page-turner perfect for your Christmas Eve.
Nora: Yeah, that's right, Morgan.
But let's not forget that a portion of the proceeds
of each book goes to Jingle Book House,
a charity that is near and dear to my heart
- that supports childhood literacy. - Ah, that's right.
And your legions of Santas have been, well, everywhere
ringing those damn bells for weeks now!
[ chuckles] Of course, it's all to help raise money
so the kiddies can learn to read.
Well, the bell ringers
will soon ceasefor this year, Morgan,
but the important cause
of childhood literacy is year-round.
And I think with New Year's just around the corner,
that parents should make a resolution
to read to their children every day.
Morgan: Now, you have a daughter, Nora.
And did you and your husband read to her as a child?
Absolutely.
Well, it was one of the joysof my husb-- my husband's --
My, uh, dear, uh, kind Luke --
one of the joysof his life...
to read to our daughter.
I mean, it's the greatest giftthat one can give to a child
or to oneself.
Morgan: Speaking of that daughter of yours, Nora,
the famous Regan Reilly -- she has been getting
some pretty interesting press these days.
[ chuckling ] Yes.Yes, she has.
And not just because she is smokin' hot.
No, no, she's a real-life private eye
just like out of one of your novels, isn't she?
Nora: Yes, she is. Yes. And she's single, too.
Morgan: Well, then...
merry Christmas to me! [ chuckles]
Thanks so much, Nora Reilly, for joining us,
and you have a happy, happy holiday with your family.
Will ya? And give a special shout-out
to that book-reading husband of yours.
And, listeners, you dig deep,
and give to Jingle Book House.
Thank you, Morgan.Thank you.
Happy holidaysto you, too.
- [ rewinding ] - Well done.
[ claps ]
And now if you'll...
just excuse me.
[ police radio chatter ]
[ door scraping ]
[ sneezes ]
[ coughing ]
[ sighs ]
I can't breathe!
Go ahead and shoot me. Put me out of my misery.
[ rewinding] Morgan: Morgan in the afternoon on WVXT!
We'll be right back.
There you are.
So, do you always record everything?
It's kind of my thing.It's what I do.
Well, made her promise not to record me.
- Other than that... - Shush.
- [ cellphone rings ] - Don't mind him.
Regan Reilly.
You...
and you alone are to bring $5 million in unmarked hundreds
in a red, ironside, hard-shell roller
to Christopher Park at 4:00.
And dress for a night on the town -- pretty-like.
I'll be watching.
Unless you bring my father and Rosita,
there will be no money.
No swapping! You pay or they die.
Let me speak to my father...now.
[ cellphone beeps ]
Luke: Regan?
Dad. Are you okay?
Your mother was amazing on the radio.
I could [chuckles] just see myself
reading you your
- favoritebook... when you were -- - Okay, we're done.
Not -- not unless I speak to Rosita!
No Rosita.
My babies!How are my babies?!
- Regan: They're safe, Rosita! - [ cellphone chimes ]
[ sobs ]
Nora.
Mom.
What happened?
You boys sure picked a beauty of a tree for your mom.
[ laughs ]That's some big jobyou're doing there.
You boys okay?
Don't worry, Mrs. Lee. We got it.
Oh. We do?
Sure! We're strong!
Uh...Mrs. Lee?
I...I need you to take the boys inside the apartment.
How would you boys like somefresh-baked Christmas cookies?
- Cookies! - Can we, Uncle Fred?
Yeah, you bet.
And as soon as I get your tree inside the apartment,
I'll come join you.
Okay, Mrs. Lee?
I understand.
[ cellphone chimes ]
Vince. Yeah, it's going down now.
I need backup. 581 Maple.
[ cellphone beeps ]
[ rustling ]
Aah!
What's your problem, cop?
I told youthis is my house, my stuff.
You got no business here.
No, Ramon, you aremy business here.
Hey, I know my rights!
I adviseyou to exercise your right to shut the hell up.
'Cause this ain't your house, it ain't your stuff,
and you're never ever coming back here again,
because you're not welcome here.
- And... - [ thud ]
you're gonna run when I tell you to run.
Because I know two fine young men
who don't deserve to learn two days before Christmas
what a scumbag their sperm donor is.
Got it?
Good.
Now get the hell out of here.
[ cellphone beeps ]
On his way.
Oh, and, uh, Vince... take him down quiet.
No need to upset the neighbors.
[ siren wails ]
You are notmaking this any easier on yourself, Ramon.
Ramon: I swear, I got nothing to do with no kidnapping.
You think I wouldn'ttell you if I knew?
She's the mother of my kids!
[ sighs ] No way this is our guy.
Unfortunately, you're right.
I thought for sure it was him
when we pulled the ace of spades out of the limo.
But there's no hitson Ramon 's prints, right?
No. Got clean reads, too.
Now, either this kidnapperis the best of the best
or the rookie's rookie,
but the prints we pulled off the playing card
are not in the FBI database.
Ramon's not our guy.
Seems he's also well aware
of the hit his loan sharkput out on him,
and he's offering to do almost anything
to have us protect his sorry ass.
All right, Jack, remember, he's a father, okay?
I know. I would hate Ramon's untimely demise
to ruin a lifetime of Christmases for his two kids.
So, then, where are we with this ransom call?
We're running the specs now.
Yeah. You know, I have played back this recording
dozens of times, and even with his cold,
the way he's talking,
it's like he's reading to us, right?
You know, it struck methat way, as well.
I mean,whoever our suspect is,
it seems to me they got somebodybehind them calling the shots,
using themas a mouthpiece.
Which means,whoever this guy or gal is,
they can't run the risk of ushearing what they sound like.
So, you mean it's someone Regan's family...
your dad might have met before.
Oh, yeah,that'd fit the pattern.
But what does this have to do with my dad reading to me as a kid?
The only thing I can think of is
that this person is involved somehow,
some way with Jingle Book House.
- Right. - Which reminds me --
what about the nephewof the deceased, Mr. Dingle?
Does he have anything to dowith Jingle Book House?
No. He lost his uncle, he's moving on with his life.
That charity really meant nothing to him.
Hmm.
[ snorts ]
Leave him be.It's gonna be a long day.
Besides,you and Willy are off duty
for the next round anyway.
Well, the instructionswere for me to come alone.
Well, I know, but I'm your backup.
No means no, Alvirah.
Look, I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.
All right. Regan...
I think it's bestthis way.
Okay.
And, Jack...
I know you're trackingthat money,
but I don'twant to see you...
or your men anywhere nearthat drop point.
Well, that's fine.
But we are gonna be two steps behind you.
It's time.
Regan?
When I was little, I couldn't sleep,
my pop used to hold my hand and tell me stories
about his dad...
whom I neverhad the chance to know
because my grandfather diedbefore I was born.
I don't want my kids,if I ever have kids,
not to know their grandpa.
I wish I could convince you
that you didn't have to do this, but...
Who wouldyou be kidding?
You're gonna do great.
So, have you figured outwhat car I 'll be driving?
Oh, I thought I'd leave that up to you.
The NYPD impound garage
is the best-used car lot in the tri-state area.
[ tires screech ]
- [ gasps ] - [ tires screech ]
[ tires screech ]
I got it.
I make the calls, and I wait here for the drop.
They don't scare me,Mr. R.
My boys are okay --that's all that matters.
I know,whatever happens,
my children will bein a good place.
And they'll burn. Burn forever.
Oh, they'll pay all right, Rosita.
But they are never going to hurt us.
Because the last thing anyone in their right mind
would ever want is my daughter pissed off
and coming after them.
[ gasps ]
Comfy back there, Alvirah?
[ horn blares ]
How'd you know?
I knew you'd know which car I'd pick.
And you gave up way too easy on coming along.
So, we're okay,then, yeah?
- As long as you stay out of sight... - Okay.
...and don't offer any driving tips, yeah.
[ cellphone rings, beeps ]
Man: [ nasal voice ] Change of plans.
Go to Patty O's. 630, 125th.
20 minutes. And ditch your phone.
Remember, I see you.
[ window whirs ]
[ tires screech ]
Here. Take care of the money.
- [ door closes ] - Really?
[ bell rings ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
You lost?Are you a tourist?
Excuse me?
What'll it be?
I'm not sure.
Woman: That's enough of that now.
Go see to the stew. Go on, now.
And how are youon this fine day?
I'm...
Don't let my sister's moodspoil your own.
She's been getting upon the wrong side of the bed
since the daywe were born.
I'm a minute older,and it sticks in her craw.
I take it you two are --
Oh, we get along all right,
but you know what we sayabout the Irish.
"We forget everything but the grudge."
You're both prettyand smart.
- [ cellphone ringing ] -I'll be right with you.
Patty O's.
Oh, yes, indeed, Santa.Right where you left it.
Why, yes.I believe she is.
Of course.It would be my pleasure.
Seems this is for you.
Hello?
Man: Go to U-Gift It down the block.
To the what?
U-Gift It!
Just shut it, and do what I say.
All right, I need you to wrap this suitcase like a present.
So you want me to gift-wrapthe suitcase, yeah?
[ exhales sharply ]
I have got 15 minutes to get to Pier 61.
I need you to do it quickly.
Okay. And how bigwould you like the bow?
[ tires screech ]
[ cellphone ringing ]
Where to next?
Man: The Jingle Book House Christmas party
on the mezzanine level.
When?
- Two minutes. -What'd he say?
No time.
All right, ooh. All right.
- Keep your phone on in case I need you. - Yes.
- And...park the car. - Okay. Oh!
But --but I don't...drive.
[ sighs ]
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
♪ Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
♪ Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh
[ indistinct conversations ]
♪ A day or two ago
- ♪ I thought I'd take a ride ♪ - [ cellphone ringing ]
Where should I stickyour present?
Man: Give it to Santa, pretty lady.
Server: All right, thank you for your support, ma'am.
Hey, what you guys doing up here? How we doing?
Host: Thank you for supporting Jingle Book House.
Man: I'd have to say...
you clean up real nice.
Where are my fatherand Rosita?
I'll call to tell you after I'm gone.
If anyone follows me, especially you, they die.
[ cellphone chimes ]
Man: I guess we need some more room.
Woman: I agree. Let's head over to...
Second man: I got some room rightback here in the back.
Woman: Those look great.
Hello, there. Hey, thanks on behalf on me.
Santa: This -- this one's -- This one's a little light.
Woman: Hi!
- Put this one over there on the top. - Woman: Happy holidays.
Santa: Merry Christmas from Jingle Book House. Thank you.
Hey, you can bring that box right over here.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Merry Christmas.
[ indistinct conversations ]
- [ horn honks ] - Okay, okay!
[ cellphone rings, beeps ]
Yes.
I'm on my way back. Where did you park?
Right where you left me.I don'tdrive.
- [ horn honks ] - And they keep honking at me.
Calm down, Alvirah. I'm on my way.
- Oh! - Hey, watch it!
[ engine turns over ]
Oh, God. Oh, oh.
I'm going. Okay, okay.
[ tires screeching ]
- Hey! - [ tires screech ]
Whoa! Aah!
[ water splashes ]
Man: Oh, no! The money!
[ fog horn blows ]
You okay?
What do you think?
Alvirah.
I just never know whento leave well enough alone.
I don't.You know what?
I'm just gonna get outof your hair.
Because of me,he dropped the money,
and now they can't track itto your dad.
I hate to rain on your pity party,
- but this isn't your fault. - Oh, please.
I'm the one he spotted, and he panicked
and started running,
and I chased after him like a complete amateur.
Oh, do not go blaming yourself.
Which is exactly my point.
Playing the blame game
isn't gonna help anybody at this point.
Especially my dad and Rosita.
I don't know how to fix this,
but I do know that in order to succeed,
I'm gonna need that smart, ballsy,
"stick her nose into everybody's business"
Alvirah Meehan that I've come to count on
right by my side.
It's settled, then.
Now, get your booty back in the car,
and let's go fix this.
[ dog barks ]
Nora: I know a threat when I see one.
That photo is from the book signing
for "Haunted Haunts,"
and that was almost two years ago!
Mom, your fans have a history
of coming to your eventsin costume
just to have their picturetaken with you.
This could simply be a giftfrom a zealous fan.
Then why no return address? And why now?
I mean, tell me how I'm wrong.
Oh, no one's saying you're wrong.
We just don't want you to jump to conclusions.
Nora? Listen --
they'll catch this guy. It'll be okay.
All right. So they fishedthe suitcase out of the river.
All the money is presentand accounted for.
Still no sign of our Santa?
We got a print.We got him.
Man: NYPD! Don't move!
Get your hands up!Don't move!
[ squawks ]
Man: Clear.
Where are they?Where are you holdingLuke and Rosita?
- [ squawks ] - [ gasps ]
Luke stinks.Nora loves Alvin.
Nora loves Alvin.
Quiet, Nora!
I don't know. Maybe it needs more.
What do you think, Nora?
Nora?
Oh, boy.
Look...
I love doing other people's trees.
Who wouldn't?
But Alvirah is gonna hold me personally responsible
if my handiwork is not up to her high tinseling standards.
And if I don't place this star up there just so,
she's gonna place it somewhere else just so.
- [ chuckles ] - And she's done it before --
I promise you it won't be pretty.
All right.We wouldn't want that.
- What's the next move? - Now you're talking.
Well, first of all, I think we need a realladder
and a tape measure -- maybe even a bottle.
I mean a level. Do I say bottle? I meant level.
Excellent idea,on both counts.
Full speed ahead.
Whoa.
[ bells tolling ]
There's been no newson the radio.
No call from him all night saying he's in trouble
or something went wrong.
But it's not our fault
if your buddy double-crossed you.
He's playing you.He's got the money.
[ sneezes ]
[ panting ]
Now, why not let us go
so you can go take back what's yours?
Shut up!
We're just trying to help.
[ door scrapes ]
Where's my money?
I lost the money.
But at least I got away.
You moron!
You imbecile!
You mother...
I should be what?
Grateful that you didn't get caught?
Peter,you're a dead man.
But, C.B., we've been best buds forever.
- Forever and a day too long. - Cuthbert! Wait!
Don't call me that.
That's my good-for-nothing uncle's name.
And it's your fault that you're here.
You and my uncle and that godforsaken Jingle Book House
that you both loved so much,
that he loved more than me,
even after years of "Yes, Uncle.
What can I do for you, Uncle?"
Be sure and give him my worst.
Or you could stop actinglike a spoiled child
and let me get backyour $5 million.
[ siren wails ]
Why don't you stoplying to us, Alvin?
But she didlet me take those pictures.
I-I swear on Nora's life.
You need to stopsaying that!
Can I shoot him?
Okay.
Alvin, what Regan'strying to say is that
Nora -- not your bird Nora,but the real Nora --
asked us to come ask youif you know
where Luke and Rosita are.
[ squawks ] Luke 's ugly!
That is it! I'm going to kill that damn bird!
[ cellphone rings ]
Regan Reilly.
[ bells tolling ]
I assume they recovered the money?
- [ beep ] - Hey, hey.
Yes, dad, but --
This screw-up is making me see red.
Do what they're going to tell you to do.
- It's our only chance. - [ squawks ]
Surrender, Luke. Surrender, Luke.
Get him cuffed! Get that bird out!
[ squawking ]
[ bell tolls ]
This plan of yoursbetter work.
Why would I lie to you?
Our lives are in your hands. Count on it.
Read good for me, Petey...
or else.
Go ahead, Dad. We're ready.
Put the money into another bag,
exactly like the last suitcase.
Head for the Queens midtown tunnel,
and exit on Borden avenue,
where you will find a pile of abandoned furniture
dumped right under...
- the Long Island expressway. - ...the Long Island expressway.
I know I have it here somewhere.
"Strange Detective Magazine"issue number 12.
No. Possibly 13.
You're sure this storyhas a drop underthe Long Island expressway?
Yes, and at 30th street, not 30th place.
And so cunning of your father
to use your mother's ingeniousknack for plot twists
against his captors.
Do you remember this story,Alvirah?
No. I've read every one of your mother's books.
It was never in a book,not even a compilation.
No, when this piecewas first published,
your mother was newly marriedand pregnant with you.
Ah! Oh, how about that?
It's issue number 12after all.
Alvirah: He's no kidnapper.
- Where are we on the money, Jack? - It's on its way.
I'm gonna confirmwith the rest of my team
that everything is good to goat the new drop point.
Oh, God. I know that sound!
What is it? Why can't I remember?
Come on, Alvirah.
It's like I 've heard it a million times.
All right, you know what? What do we know?
What was your dad saying?
He was trying to tell you something about books.
Right? Books that he read to you when you were a child.
Right? And he said that he was mad -- he said "red."
Wait. Let me see that.He crossed out his name.
- Yeah? - C.B.
He crossed outhis uncle's name
on the memorial programto write down his phone number.
Who does that?
Not to someone you love.Right?
Or someone you claim to love.
- Yeah. - Of course.
C.B. got cut out of his rich uncle's will.
He wasn't moving on with his life.
He was being kicked out on his ear.
Oh, my. This is not good.This is not good at all.
What'snot good?
I just finished rereading this story.
What I forgot was the cops caught the kidnappers,
but the poor unfortunate hostages croaked.
Come on, Alvirah.
Please, you've got to remember.
There's got to be something that rings a bell.
Bell!That's what it is,bells!
It's the bellsof St. Michael's.
I heard it for 20 yearsevery Friday on the hour
coming fromSt. Michael's church.
It was right across from whereI cleaned houses. It's bells.
- Where is the church? - It's in Edgewater. Come on.
- Wait. - I'm coming!
- Seeing red. - Wait for me!
That's it. I know where they are.
Jack, we've got to go save them before it's too late.
Stick to my mom's story.
C.B.'s our kidnapper. He should be there. Trust me.
[ engine turns over ]
Let's go.
[ tires screech ]
C.B.: After all the time and effort I put into keeping
my identity secret
so I wouldn't have to eliminate you...
I even fooledthe famous Regan Reillyand her nosy aunt Alvirah,
only to have mybrilliantly executed deception
ruined by Petey,
who I just knewwould screw up!
And force meto trigger plan B.
[ laughs ]You get it? Trigger?
It's really too bad my uncle wasn't here to see my masterwork.
You know what his last words were? Do you?
Why would you?
After selling my loft
and my Brazilian black-wood pool table,
cutting me off, clearing my accounts, he sold my Porsche.
He left me with my mother's old beater.
He told me... "Get a job."
Like I was common.
Now thanks to you, everything's gonna be all right.
It's such a shame you were fool enough
to place your life in my hands.
[ beeping ]
Merry Christmas!
[ coughs ]
[ beeping continues ]
"The Little Red Lighthouse And The Great Gray Bridge."
My dad read that to me I don't know how many times.
I drove him crazy about driving me down to the Hudson to see it.
I-I don't know that book.
Published in 1942.
It's a timeless classic,
penned by Hildegard H. Swift and illustrated by Lynd Ward,
about a little red lighthouse, happy and content,
until a great bridge is built over it.
And it must learn that, small as it may be,
it still has an important job to do in this world.
Really?Anything else?
What else would you like to know?
[ chuckles ]Who areyou?
Me? Alvin Luck.
Only child of Lou and Lois Luck, Erie, P.A.
Middle-class upbringing,
avid reader, webmaster of "Nora Reilly Fanboys."
I got it.I got it, honey.
Good. So, well,nice to meet you, Alvin.
Oh, no. It's my greatest pleasure.
Being with you two is the most exciting moment
of my entire existence.
Not including my actual birth experience, naturally.
Naturally.
[ bells tolling ]
[ tires screech ]
- Dad! - Mr. Reilly!
Regan! In here!
Luke: Regan! Hurry!
Dad! I'm coming!
[ steam hissing ]
Regan!
[ beeping ]
Are you okay?
I'm all right. Help Rosita.
[ beeping continues ]
Luke: Come on, Regan.
Come on, baby.
[ beeping stops ]
I love you.
I love you, too.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
[ laughs ]
[ bells tolling ]
[ groans ]
[ air hisses ]
[ siren wails ]
[ gun cocks ]
[ tires screech ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
[ laughs ]
Oh, was it horrible?
No, no. The dentist would have been much worse.
[ laughs ]
Hmm? Hmm?
[ laughs ]
Top-rate jobon the tree, Willy.
Great tinsel work.
You hear that, Alvirah?
Oh, my darling, there are...no words.
Alvirah.
I'm about to begin workon my new book,
and I could usea research assistant.
Really?
Hmm, I wonder who'd be qualified.
I'd love to.
And, Mommy,Uncle Fred taught us
how to pick out the mostawesomest Christmas tree ever.
Didn't he, Bobby?
Well, in that case,
it's only right for Fred to help us decorate that tree.
I'd like that very much.
Room for one more Reilly?
What a surprise!
[ chuckles ]
On the drive up,
I kept trying to come up with an excuse to be here,
and...all I got was, "I'm in the neighborhood."
Well, since you're here...
[ both chuckle ]
Look, everybody! It's snowing!
[ chuckling ] Just I can't help myself.
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa-la la la la, la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly
♪ Fa-la la la la, la la la la ♪
♪ Don we now our gay apparel
♪ Fa-la la, la la la, la la la ♪
♪ Troll the ancient yuletide carol ♪
♪ Fa-la la la la, la la la la ♪